Resilience: what is it and how do you build it?
Never in recent times has our collective and individual resilience been tested to such an extent. As we head into the shorter, colder days of winter, we’re going to have to dig deep to get through the next six months of bad weather and coughs and colds (I won’t use THE C word), Instead I want to focus on the resilience that we all will need to draw upon and cultivate in order to see us through these darker months and out the other side.
What exactly is resilience?
Why are some people seemingly more naturally resilient than others? & How can we improve our resilience in the face of a long winter and a global pandemic?
Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or even significant sources of threat.
Being able to adapt is absolutely key in this time of complete and utter uncertainty. Generally we feel safer and more secure when we know where we are and we know where we’re heading – or at least think we know.
This can apply to our career, relationships or any other part of our lives. The global pandemic has taken away this perceived certainty in what our future will hold, and through doing so forced us to change and adapt to living in limbo.
The best way to deal with this uncertainty is to focus as much as we can on living in the present moment, for this is all we truly have and here lies the path to contentment and happiness.
This simple idea is often very hard to put into practice, especially for those who have been extremely adversely affected by the current restrictions.
Livelihoods have disappeared overnight with no real support from the government, forcing people into a sink or swim situation and at this time it is resilience, strength and community support that will get people through.
Emotionally resilient individuals will most likely also have other positive qualities like self-reliance, positivity, commitment, responsibility and good social skills.
The foundations of these qualities can often be observed from a really young age, and research has shown that “resilient children tend to have temperamental characteristics that elicit positive responses from family members as well as strangers” (1)
So where does resilience come from?
“Researchers agree that, of all the factors that boost resilience, good parenting is often the most significant”.
Relationships are key to building resilience but it is not solely down to parenting – other factors are also at play such as genetic and other environmental factors.
Life crisis and stressful experiences can also actually be seen as positive factors that can help boost the development and resources of an individual.
Often the disruption that is caused by a traumatic or stressful event can instigate periods of personal growth and reorganisation as long as the individual is able to process and overcome these experiences in a healthy way (2).
In some circumstances a potentially threatening or stressful experience can have the effect of toughening up an individual and encouraging them to develop resilient traits.
Research has shown that evidence of this can be seen more in “older adults [who] tend to be more resilient than younger adults, perhaps due to their additional life experience and perspective.
Will we see a generation of resilient children in the wake of this pandemic? Or will we see a rise in cases of mental health issues such as anxiety and OCD?
In my opinion we will undoubtedly see a combination of the two but there will be a rise in those experiencing anxiety and OCD in the months and years ahead.
The good news is that resilience can be cultivated and built on in childhood, adolescence and also in Adulthood too, so fear not!
If you or a loved one is struggling and feeling that resilience is low, I have a few ways in which you can foster and build resilience in order to be better equipped to handle uncertainty and any stressful life events to come:
8 Ways to Build Resilience:
Mindset. Having a growth mindset is key in resilient individuals. This means that they see ‘opportunities’ rather than ‘barriers’. Looking at a problem as a potential mechanism for growth is such an empowering mindset to have and if we can flip our thinking from that of a closed mindset to that of a growth mindset we will find it much easier to ride out the storm we currently find ourselves in.
Acceptance. Namely acceptance that change is inevitable in life – it’s one of the few certainties. Flexibility rather than rigidity in our outlook on life and the experiences we have will impact our ability to adapt and flourish in the new normal.
Take Decisive Action. Engage in the issues we are facing and think creatively of solutions rather than detaching from them. Ignoring an issue or a case of stress and expecting it to just go away will invariably lead to bigger problems.
Look within. During times of hardship if we can look to ourselves for strength and resources we can often learn more about who we are and what we stand for. Many people who have experienced tragedies and hardship have reported better relationships, greater sense of strength even while feeling vulnerable, increased sense of self-worth, a more developed spirituality, and heightened appreciation for life.
Intuition. Developing confidence in our intuition and inner voice in relation to our ability to solve problems leads trust in our instincts and helps build greater resilience.
Perspective. When facing stressful or very painful events, try to consider the situation in as broad a context as possible and keep a long-term perspective.
Hope. Maintaining an optimistic outlook enables you to expect that good things will happen in your life, utilising visualisation of what you want and where you would like to be rather than focusing on the fear of what you don’t want to happen. Developing a regular meditation practice is an amazing tool for this.
Self-care. Pay attention to your own needs and feelings. Making time for activities that you enjoy and find relaxing is key alongside regular exercise and time outside in nature. Taking good care of yourself both physically and mentally helps to keep your mind and body primed to deal with situations that require resilience.
Seek Help - Reaching out for help when you need it is crucial for building resilience, whether that is from a mental health professional or support group. One of the most important things to remember is that you are not alone and there is always help and support out there in some form or another if you look for it.
Life is always going to surprise us with both good and bad experiences and if we can cultivate our own resilience and that of our children we will be much better prepared and able to enjoy the ride.
The next few months (and dare I say it – years) I imagine are going to be taxing for us all, emotionally, financially, socially and of course the potential for ill health as well.
If you find you are struggling to stay positive and that your mental health is suffering, I am here to help. You can contact me by email, phone or through the contact form on the Let’s Talk page.
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(1)Werner, E, E. (1984). Resilient children. Young Children, 40(1), 68-72.
(2) Schaefer, J.A & Moos, R.A (1992) Life Crises and Personal growth, In B. N carpenter (Ed) Personal coping: Theory, research and application. (pp 149-170) Westport CT: Praeger.